My Gracie is 3 Months Today

It's sooo sad. Gracie is 3 months tonight at 9:50pm. It went by sooo fast. I just gave away all her newborn clothes to someone in need and practically cried when I folded each outfit! I remember holding her for HOURS and HOURS while she slept in my arms in the beginning....and now she is 3 months and talking... well baby talking! I miss it.   =(  … [Continue reading]

Before I Was A Mom…

Before I was a Mom, I never tripped over toys or forgot words to a lullaby. I didn't worry whether or not my plants were poisonous. I never thought about immunizations. Before I was a Mom, I had never been puked on. Pooped on. Chewed on. Peed on. I had complete control of my mind and my thoughts. I slept all night. Before I was a Mom, I never held down a screaming child so doctors could do tests. Or give shots. I never … [Continue reading]

The One Flaw In Women

THE ONE FLAW IN WOMEN: By the time the Lord made woman, He was into his sixth day of working overtime. An angel appeared and said, "Why are you spending so much time on this one?" And the Lord answered, "Have you seen my spec sheet on her? She has to be completely washable, but not plastic, have over 200 movable parts, all replaceable and able to run on diet coke and leftovers, have a lap that can hold four children at one time, have a kiss … [Continue reading]

Parents Job Descriptions

POSITION: Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa, Pop   JOB DESCRIPTION: Long term, team players needed, for challenging,  permanent work in an often chaotic environment.  Candidates must possess excellent communication  and organizational skills and be willing to work  variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends  and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to  primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless … [Continue reading]

For All The REAL Mother’s Out There!

EXCUSE THIS HOUSE!! Some houses try to hide the fact that children are living there.  Ours boasts of it quite openly... The signs are everywhere.  There are smears upon the windows, little smudges on the doors; I should apologize, I guess, for the toys thrown on the floors.  But I sat down with the kids and we played and laughed and read, and if the doorknob doesn't shine, their eyes will shine instead.  For when at times I'm forced to chose the one job or the other... I want to be a housewife … [Continue reading]

Eviction Notice

Eviction Notice Pursuant to the provisions of this pregnancy, you are hereby given an eviction notice and notice to vacate, on or before April 25, 2009, the premises and appurtenances owned by MOMMY, which premises are now occupied by YOU, Joie Grace Bishop! The reason for this eviction notice is: Occupant is being evicted due to breech of contract and destruction of property. Expansions only to the front of the house, within reasonable limits, were discussed. … [Continue reading]

Man Shower vs. Woman Shower

HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN: Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks. Walk to bathroom wearing long robe. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror -- make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc. Get in the shower. Use wash cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins. Wash your … [Continue reading]

Prayer Request (for me)

Pray, Pray, Pray!!! I went to the ER last night with contractions. Thank God I was not dialating.  They checked me for dehydration too, because I had the flu on Monday.  I was good there too.  BUT...they put me on "un-official" bedrest until Monday when I go back to the doc. PRAY that my body & our baby cooperate!!!!  At least until this baby can live on it's own!!  Also PRAY that I do NOT get put on any kind of bedrest!!!!!!  My paycheck is what pays the bills!  Mike gets SO MANY … [Continue reading]

Birth Order of Children

1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy. 2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible. 3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes. __________________________________________________ Preparing for the Birth: 1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously. 2nd baby: You don't bother because you remember that last time, breathing didn't do a thing. 3rd baby: You ask for an … [Continue reading]

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